Wednesday, July 7, 2010

It's a New Day

Thank you so much for the comments and messages in response to the blog and pictures!  It means so much to us!  I can't remember if we've told you that we can't actually see the blog here.  We send updates through email to the blog and get comments the same way.  (Don't ask me how that works.)  I did learn the hard way that it is best not to try to send pictures with the message.  I think there are still parts missing to the really long message I sent about our first days in Beijing.  I'll fix it when we get home.  For now, Darrell will post pictures to flickr instead of trying to include them here.  Check back later tonight (USA time) for the pictures. D is sleeping now but can post them in the morning (China time).

Today we visited one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. It is called Qingxiu Mountain, which is beautiful and green and lush all the way from the bottom to the top.  We walked a bit, then played on the very cool playground, and fed thousands (no kidding) of big coy in the lake.  All four kids went on a boat ride and we were able to stay back and take pictures of them.  In one place on the mountain, there is a huge sundial that uses the signs of the Chinese zodiac and behind each one was a larger sculpture of the animal.  We took everyone's picture with their animal.  I don't know exactly what the Chinese believe about the zodiac, or if it is anything like the one at home, which of course we steer clear of.  

Before we even got to the park, we could tell that today was the day that Jingshu finally felt comfortable enough to test us.  So, there were several toddler tantrums, defiance, and instances of her ignoring us.  No more thank yous at every turn.  Early this morning Parker told us that we might need to be more strict with her.  We told him that would happen in due time.  Well, due time came after a very nice traditional Chinese lunch.  We arrived back at the hotel and Jingshu was ready to go to the room.  She took off running through the lobby to the elevator.  We needed to finish a conversation with our guide about tomorrow's schedule, but she would have nothing of it.  When Parker tried to hold her she screamed, hit and kicked him.  Darrell took her and she did the same, but he did not back down.  He did leave the lobby and take her up to our room where she finally broke down and grieved.  She cried and cried and cried.  And even said several times that she wanted her ma ma.  And let me assure you, it was NOT me to whom she was referring!

Her preference for Darrell was much more obvious today.  She didn't want anything to do with me at all, and in fact at lunch got up and moved to a different spot when I attempted to sit by her at the table.  We decided the best thing I could do for her was to give her some space for a little while.  When I got to the room, after finishing the plans for tomorrow, she was sitting in the middle of the big bed screaming.  Darrell was on one side of her and I laid down on the other and we both just waited it out, occasionally reaching out to her to rub her back.  Darrell got up to go to the bathroom and for a moment, I thought Jingshu was going to follow him!  Now that would've been funny.  I asked her to stay on the bed, but didn't know if she would or not.  She did stay but moved to the very edge of the bed, as far from me as she could get.  When Darrell came back, she got up and sat on the sofa.  Darrell wisely took her blanket and pillow and all of her "babies" to the sofa and was able to get her settled there for a nap.  She cried herself to sleep.

This, of course, is not easy.  But we know it is good.  She needs to go through the cycles of grief.  We would be very concerned if she continued on as if life was normal.  Darrell and I have spent the last 4 months preparing for this response.  Our other kids, however, have not.  McKenna has such a sensitive heart that today was the second day that she ended up in her room crying as her heart breaks for her little sister.  Yesterday we asked Glen to assure Jingshu that we understand that she is sad (following the silent tears) and that it is okay for her to cry when she needs to.  He started by asking her if she was missing her foster ma ma and ba ba.  Again, silent tears as she nodded her head.  I am glad she really believed him when he told her that we will not be angry if she needs to cry.

All three of us slept hard for a couple of hours.  At one point I woke up to go to the bathroom and noticed that Darrell's loud breathing had awakened Jingshu.  She raised up, looked over at him and up at me.  I was able to stroke her hair for just a bit before she turned over and went back to sleep.  When we woke up, she was back to her happy little self, and seemed to take one step back toward me.  But only one.  

We had such a big lunch that we decided to just walk over to the supermarket across the street and get bread and jelly for pb&j for dinner.  We brought the peanut butter with us.  We should've brought the jelly!  No jelly to be found, but we did find some honey, which made for a yummy dinner.  Jingshu is so easy when it comes to food!  Tonight we gave her yogurt, fruit and Ritz crackers an then a part of a sandwich.  She liked it.  Just like she liked the pizza yesterday. 

After dinner, I asked McKenna if I could polish her nails so that Jingshu would see that and let me polish hers.  This has nothing to do with trying to make her a girly girl and everything to do with having an opportunity to hold her hands for a little while.  It worked!  She let me!  Then she got to come back to the room (we did nails in the elevator lobby to avoid the strong smell in our rooms) and show off her pretty nails to her Ba Ba and ge ges (brothers) who made a big deal about how pretty they looked.  Soon after, I ran a tub of water and she got in and played in the bubbles for a while.  And she let me wash her body and her hair, and then even let me wrap her in a towel and carry her to the bed and hold her for just a minute.  I think it takes that long sometimes for her to remember that she doesn't need me because she already has a ma ma.  But she was not angry or defiant tonight.  She even let me put lotion on her.  Baby steps.

Tonight she is sleeping in the middle of the big bed again, as close to Darrell as she can get without knowingly touching him.  

We have decided to take a trip to Liuzhou City tomorrow. That is Jingshu's hometown.  We're not sure how she will respond, but we believe it is the right thing to do.  Glen will explain to her that we are going back just to show her new family where she came from.  It may be hard, but I really do think she will someday be happy to have the pictures that we will take.  We will not go into the orphanage or meet her foster family, but we will go to the gate of the park where she was found.  I think we may be doing that more for us than for her.  When you adopt a child, especially an older child, there are many, many missed moments.  Now that she is with us, I am really doing my own bit of grieving for all that we have missed of her life.  Maybe tomorrow will fill at least a small piece of the puzzle.

Darrell Adcock

follow our trip to china to bring Hayden home...


Anonymous said...

It is wonderful to hear so many details. I know it will be wonderful for you to have all this fresh raw emotion documented for yourself and for your daughter. It has certainly been a rough few days but it is great to know you are trusting the Lord every step of the way.

Hi to Parker (I really miss seeing him) and McKenna (I have not even seen her in braces yet) and sweet Logan and Darrell, of course. I saw on FB that Lacey said she Skped you guys. How cool is that? FB, blogs and Skype make China seem like it is Texas or someplace alot closer. Miss you guys but love hearing "the stories" Keep 'em coming.

Love, Jeanne
P.S. My kids are coming home in one hour. I cannot wait!!!

Linda said...

I am so blown away with your openness and willingness to invite all of us in to this journey. I want you to know that we have been following, reading, crying and rejoicing with you. We are praying with you and our love and thoughts are with you.
The Bullards

Mo said...

What a tender post. My heart grieves and rejoices with you guys on this journey. I can only imagine the pain that is mixed with all the joy, and knowing that one day Jingshu will be so thankful for the wonderful family she has been given. I'm praying that you continue walking in wisdom and not emotions, which I think can be challenging. But as parents, you already understand this far better than me. Blessings to you all.

The Five B's said...

Dear Adcocks,
I have alternately laughed out loud and cried over your blog. Our prayers are with you on this incredible journey.

Scarlett Burks
P.S. In our experience with Lilly, being loud and loving to direct everyone is a way of life that hasn't stopped!