A Good Day

Well, it's Sunday, July 11^th @ 4:16pm here.  We got to Skype with "the cousins" as they are called (Damon, Deborah, and my brothers kids), Mimi & Pa (Tracy's parents), and my Dad (Darrell Sr.) last night.  It was fun to hear & see them and good for the family.

This morning we went to breakfast, came back to the room, then met up with some new friends adopting their third little girl from China.  We took taxis to the Toy Wholesale Emporium ~ a 9 story beautiful building crammed with thousands of tiny shops.  Some were probably only 2'x10'.  We had fun shopping (about an hour) then me and boys brought Jingshu back, ate some noodles & PB&J sandwiches.  The rest of them are still enjoy shopping.  We are enjoying not!

Hayden is taking her afternoon nap; a routine for her.  We read some books together with the lights low then she fell asleep.

The older kids are doing great.  Many families have commented on how helpful and kind our kids are and how they handle adversity with a smile and good attitude.  They really do make a ba ba proud.  I truly believe having the kids here has allowed Jingshu to attach more quickly and easily to our family.  I'm especially glad for this time with Parker as he heads to ASU a month after we get home.

The "weather" between Tracy and Jingshu took a slight warming trend today.  We are trying to create more opportunities for them to be alone and do things together.  Your prayers are making a huge impact.  Keep 'em coming.  Tracy's doing great.  

Yesterday, Mattel gave each adopting family a Barbie Doll holding a little Asian baby (remember… rugs are oriental, people are Asian).  Mattel has furnished a play area for all of the adopted kids here at the White Swan.  We're saving that as a special adventure Tracy can take Jingshu on.

We love and miss you all and look forward to you meeting our newest family member soon!

D

Back to Her Beginning

I can't thank you enough for the kind and caring comments.  I am feeling encouraged by  them; by my older kids who are protective of me and making sure that I know, and that she knows, that they love me; by Darrell, who is as always, so good to love me well and know just the right thing to say or do when I am sad; but mostly from the power of everyone's prayer.  

I am so glad that we made the decision to visit Liuzhou City.  The three-hour drive through south China countryside was breathtakingly beautiful.  Seriously, China is one of the most beautiful places I have ever been.  We had heard that China is dirty and stinky and that the people spit everywhere.  I have not experienced any of that in any of the places we have been--Beijing, Nanning, Liuzhou City, and now Guangzhou.  The people are beautiful and friendly.  And curious of the large (in a couple of ways!) American family.

Glen told Jingshu that we were going to her home town just for a visit to show her new family and asked if that was okay with her.  She was fine with it.  When we were eating lunch he asked if she could tell him where her foster family lives.  She ignored him.  He asked if she would like to go back to say goodbye to her kindergarten class.  After a long pause she told him she couldn't remember where it is.  Those were the only signs of any distress that we saw that day.  That doesn't mean she didn't feel it, but this little one is very strong and shows fear by taking control in other ways. And, boy, does she!

This province only allows visits to the courtyard, inside the front gate of the orphanag.  As you can tell from the pictures, the front building is being renovated, but we gathered under a pretty tree (shade!) and visited with three of the directors.  The lady we met Monday when we first met Jingshu oversees the adoption department and brought us another gift from the orphanage--a beautifully framed beadwork character for good fortune.  It was made by the special needs children of the orphanage.  

Jingshu has gotten a runny nose and little cough, probably from the air-conditioning, which she is not used to.  I asked the director what medicine she would suggest for her, thinking over-the-counter.  She ran to the medical clinic and came back with three different prescription medications:  an antibiotic in adult capsule form (!), a liquid cough medicine, and a medicinal tea.  I loved the concern she showed.  I have no doubt that our little one has been very well cared for.  BTW, I chose not to give her the antibiotic, but have used the tea and it seems to be working well for her.

The director who was more directly involved in Jingshu's life was very protective for her.  She wanted to know if we would learn Chinese cooking when we returned home.  I told her that we would, and that there were Oriental groceries and restaurants nearby.  I also told her that Jingshu had enjoyed everything she had eaten with us, including pizza and peanut butter and honey sandwiches.  She quickly told me that, while it was fine for now because we are still on a trip, she WOULD need good Chinese food at home.  She also asked if we would enroll her in school.  Because she is enrolled in Comm Central, I said yes and planned to leave it at that.  Glen had to go and tell her that we homeschool.  Of course, in China, that didn't go over well at all.  I tried to explain that in America that is a good thing!  And I later asked Glen why he "threw me under the bus like that!"  He said in China institutional education is highly valued.  Oh, well.

My favorite part of the day was our visit to the park, right down the street from the orphanage.  This park has a significant part in Jingshu's life.  There is a gate that is within sight of the orphanage.  After a fun visit inside this beautiful place, including a small roller coaster ride, we gathered as a family at the gate to thank God for creating this beautiful girl, protecting her, and bringing her into our family.  I will never forget that moment.

Then, the long ride home.  I am most impressed that this sweet little girl never complains.  She is content.  When the guides have explained what is happening and asked her if she is happy, she says she is.  She eats whatever we give her and seems to like it!

And so it was, that the Adcock family traveled back to Hayden's beginning.  

Tracy Adcock

tracyadcock@gmail.com

[Flickr] D1musicjr shared a Flickr set with you

	Hi darrelladcock.theadcockfamily@blogger.com! D1musicjr shared a Flickr set with you. Liuzhou City, Guangxi, PRC ~ Hayden's Hometown A set by D1musicjr » You can also view all 108 items as a slideshow Here are photos from Hayden's home town! What a beautiful place! D You received this email because a Flickr member wanted to share something with you. To report abuse, click here. Flickr is a global photosharing community. Learn more. Your use of Flickr is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service and Privacy Policy and the Flickr Community Guidelines

From Nanning to Guangzhou

Well, we are on the plane to Guangzhou! South China is so beautiful and such beautiful people. It has been funny to walk around and be watched. They always stare but never want to be caught staring!

Our celebrity comes from being Americans here. Also from being a large family (China's one-child policy means most families are small, but also have Grandma & Grandpa). And even greater because we're adding to it!

People have approached us to compliment us on the great thing we are doing and that Hayden Jingshu is fortunate to be adopted by us and live in America.

The Orphanage Director said that having a boy and girl makes a perfect family and that our family us doubly perfect. I don't know about all that, but I am so thankful for our family and the friends and family that allowed us to take this journey together. This Forever Family is forever grateful!

Darrell Adcock
Sent from my iPhone

And So I Dare

I attempt to put on make-up through eyes clouded with tears, and wonder if I dare write and share all that is in my heart today. Do I chance the criticism of those who have never experienced the rejection of one longed for and worked for, or of those who have and are now on the other side and recognize my short-sightedness and immaturity? As I ponder these things I am gently reminded of the One Who experienced much more rejection than this--not just by one, but by all whom He loved and who claimed to love Him. And, He wrote about it so that I could know that He understands my feelings and my fears. And so I dare.

Jingshu must be feeling much more fear and anguish than I am, but she does not show it in the same way that I do. She laughs and runs and plays. She is most comfortable with her new big sister, and then with Darrell and Parker. She loves Logan, too, but doesn't light up when she sees him as she does with the others. She avoids contact with me whenever possible. If I call to her, she runs away. When I lay next to her she moves her babies, her pillow and her body over away from me. She will allow me to help with some basic things, like putting toothpaste on her toothbrush, washing her face, and getting her dressed. And, she smiles at me occasionally, as long as I do not move toward her.

I am struggling to stay engaged with her. I must find ways for us to have fun together, but it seems that will have to happen when the others are not around. And it is not safe for me to be out of the hotel alone with her because she runs from me. Maybe in Guangzhou, Darrell and the big kids can do some sight seeing while she and I stay and play.

A dear friend stopped by early Wednesday morning as we were preparing to leave for Dallas and told me she had a verse for me. It is 2 Corinthians 12:9. Paul is writing about the thorn in his flesh and asking the Lord to take it away from him. He calls the thorn a messenger from Satan, sent to torment him and keep him from becoming conceited. I can understand how easy it would be to feel somehow accomplished in my own strength, or even just that we had prayed enough for things to go smoothly. But I don't see this experience as a messenger from Satan. Anyway, verse nine says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." I appreciated this verse very much Sunday night and Monday when I was anticipating meeting her for the first time, but even more now.

I recognize that my tears today are not just from this rejection, but a let down of four months, if not four years, of emotion. And the tears are cleansing and helpful. Already I am feeling better.

Thank You, Sweet Jesus, for your gentle comfort to me today. You are GOOD and GREATLY TO BE PRAISED! I trust in Your power because I am weak.

Tracy

It's a New Day

Thank you so much for the comments and messages in response to the blog and pictures!  It means so much to us!  I can't remember if we've told you that we can't actually see the blog here.  We send updates through email to the blog and get comments the same way.  (Don't ask me how that works.)  I did learn the hard way that it is best not to try to send pictures with the message.  I think there are still parts missing to the really long message I sent about our first days in Beijing.  I'll fix it when we get home.  For now, Darrell will post pictures to flickr instead of trying to include them here.  Check back later tonight (USA time) for the pictures. D is sleeping now but can post them in the morning (China time).

Today we visited one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. It is called Qingxiu Mountain, which is beautiful and green and lush all the way from the bottom to the top.  We walked a bit, then played on the very cool playground, and fed thousands (no kidding) of big coy in the lake.  All four kids went on a boat ride and we were able to stay back and take pictures of them.  In one place on the mountain, there is a huge sundial that uses the signs of the Chinese zodiac and behind each one was a larger sculpture of the animal.  We took everyone's picture with their animal.  I don't know exactly what the Chinese believe about the zodiac, or if it is anything like the one at home, which of course we steer clear of.  

Before we even got to the park, we could tell that today was the day that Jingshu finally felt comfortable enough to test us.  So, there were several toddler tantrums, defiance, and instances of her ignoring us.  No more thank yous at every turn.  Early this morning Parker told us that we might need to be more strict with her.  We told him that would happen in due time.  Well, due time came after a very nice traditional Chinese lunch.  We arrived back at the hotel and Jingshu was ready to go to the room.  She took off running through the lobby to the elevator.  We needed to finish a conversation with our guide about tomorrow's schedule, but she would have nothing of it.  When Parker tried to hold her she screamed, hit and kicked him.  Darrell took her and she did the same, but he did not back down.  He did leave the lobby and take her up to our room where she finally broke down and grieved.  She cried and cried and cried.  And even said several times that she wanted her ma ma.  And let me assure you, it was NOT me to whom she was referring!

Her preference for Darrell was much more obvious today.  She didn't want anything to do with me at all, and in fact at lunch got up and moved to a different spot when I attempted to sit by her at the table.  We decided the best thing I could do for her was to give her some space for a little while.  When I got to the room, after finishing the plans for tomorrow, she was sitting in the middle of the big bed screaming.  Darrell was on one side of her and I laid down on the other and we both just waited it out, occasionally reaching out to her to rub her back.  Darrell got up to go to the bathroom and for a moment, I thought Jingshu was going to follow him!  Now that would've been funny.  I asked her to stay on the bed, but didn't know if she would or not.  She did stay but moved to the very edge of the bed, as far from me as she could get.  When Darrell came back, she got up and sat on the sofa.  Darrell wisely took her blanket and pillow and all of her "babies" to the sofa and was able to get her settled there for a nap.  She cried herself to sleep.

This, of course, is not easy.  But we know it is good.  She needs to go through the cycles of grief.  We would be very concerned if she continued on as if life was normal.  Darrell and I have spent the last 4 months preparing for this response.  Our other kids, however, have not.  McKenna has such a sensitive heart that today was the second day that she ended up in her room crying as her heart breaks for her little sister.  Yesterday we asked Glen to assure Jingshu that we understand that she is sad (following the silent tears) and that it is okay for her to cry when she needs to.  He started by asking her if she was missing her foster ma ma and ba ba.  Again, silent tears as she nodded her head.  I am glad she really believed him when he told her that we will not be angry if she needs to cry.

All three of us slept hard for a couple of hours.  At one point I woke up to go to the bathroom and noticed that Darrell's loud breathing had awakened Jingshu.  She raised up, looked over at him and up at me.  I was able to stroke her hair for just a bit before she turned over and went back to sleep.  When we woke up, she was back to her happy little self, and seemed to take one step back toward me.  But only one.  

We had such a big lunch that we decided to just walk over to the supermarket across the street and get bread and jelly for pb&j for dinner.  We brought the peanut butter with us.  We should've brought the jelly!  No jelly to be found, but we did find some honey, which made for a yummy dinner.  Jingshu is so easy when it comes to food!  Tonight we gave her yogurt, fruit and Ritz crackers an then a part of a sandwich.  She liked it.  Just like she liked the pizza yesterday. 

After dinner, I asked McKenna if I could polish her nails so that Jingshu would see that and let me polish hers.  This has nothing to do with trying to make her a girly girl and everything to do with having an opportunity to hold her hands for a little while.  It worked!  She let me!  Then she got to come back to the room (we did nails in the elevator lobby to avoid the strong smell in our rooms) and show off her pretty nails to her Ba Ba and ge ges (brothers) who made a big deal about how pretty they looked.  Soon after, I ran a tub of water and she got in and played in the bubbles for a while.  And she let me wash her body and her hair, and then even let me wrap her in a towel and carry her to the bed and hold her for just a minute.  I think it takes that long sometimes for her to remember that she doesn't need me because she already has a ma ma.  But she was not angry or defiant tonight.  She even let me put lotion on her.  Baby steps.

Tonight she is sleeping in the middle of the big bed again, as close to Darrell as she can get without knowingly touching him.  

We have decided to take a trip to Liuzhou City tomorrow. That is Jingshu's hometown.  We're not sure how she will respond, but we believe it is the right thing to do.  Glen will explain to her that we are going back just to show her new family where she came from.  It may be hard, but I really do think she will someday be happy to have the pictures that we will take.  We will not go into the orphanage or meet her foster family, but we will go to the gate of the park where she was found.  I think we may be doing that more for us than for her.  When you adopt a child, especially an older child, there are many, many missed moments.  Now that she is with us, I am really doing my own bit of grieving for all that we have missed of her life.  Maybe tomorrow will fill at least a small piece of the puzzle.

Darrell Adcock

D1musicjr@gmail.com

follow our trip to china to bring Hayden home...

theAdcockfamily.blogspot.com

The Power of Prayer and "Are you CRAZY?"

Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who has prayed for this child and our family. If the story of our journey doesn't convince you of the power of prayer, I don't know what will. GOD is SO GOOD and WORTHY TO BE PRAISED!

I can't remember ever being so scared! I've done the "mother" thing before, but I did not feel adequately prepared for meeting Hayden on Gotcha Day. All the books we read and classes we took taught us to understand what she might be feeling and how to help her feel safe when she is with us, but I did not know what to expect or how to respond when she walked into the room. My anxiety about that moment was made 10 times worse by our guide here in Nanning. When we were driving from the airport to the hotel (meaning we had just met him), Glen told us that adopting a six year old (she's only five, but he kept saying she's six) is very difficult. Then he told us that she may decide she doesn't like us and will tell the officials that she does not want to go with us, and that they would not make her. He said we may have to leave the country without her!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

I spent the rest of the night continually reminding myself that God has brought us this far and would not leave us now, and that we have prayed more over this moment than just about anything I can remember.

The ninth floor of the Majestic Hotel is reserved for adoptive families and there are several of us here now. Monday morning I met a mom who has five biological children in their 20s and two adopted Chinese daughters. Her family is here adopting two more girls, sisters who are 7 1/2 and 8 1/2. It was so helpful to talk to her. I asked many questions about what THAT moment would be like and she talked me through it. And she told me things to do when we came back to the room. After talking to her, I was finally able to breath again.

We left our hotel and rode to another hotel where we would meet Hayden. Many families were in the same room waiting. And then, I saw her walk by! For a few minutes, she stood with her orphanage director and peeked into the room, and then ducked back. Over and over. Finally she walked in the room and came over to us. She was tenative, which was to be expected. When her orphanage director, a beautiful young Chinese woman, directed her to, she gave Darrell and I hugs. I handed her a gift bag that contained candy and bubbles (recommended by the experienced moms). She enjoyed a tootsie pop and just watched us. By the time we left the building, she would hold our hands. And we were so relieved!

We came back to the hotel, showed her our rooms, played bubbles (pronounced pow-pow in Chinese), and gave her the baby doll. Then for a while she pushed her baby up and down the halls in the stroller BLAS gave us for her. She only has one volume--LOUD! And, just like we were told in the reports we have about her, she talks and laughs a lot! She is absolutely delightful! After about 30 minutes of us chasing her up and down the halls, she came back into the room, plopped down and said something in a loud voice. Glen (BLAS guide) laughed. I asked him what she said. She had said, "Are you guys CRAZY?" or "Are you guys NUTS?" I don't know what you think, but I think she will fit into our family well!

She also had LOTS of fun taking pictures with McKenna's camera. And she likes directing who is in each shot and where they are to stand/sit and if we should show the victory sign (what we thought was the peace sign, with two fingers held up). As a matter of fact, when the official government photographer came to our room to take the official picture for the adoption decree, Jingshu (she doesn't know her English name, yet) told Darrell and I to do the victory sign. And we did. So, it's official--at least for the time being, she is the director/commander/boss in our family.

I must say, though, that she is very well behaved and polite. It is apparent that she was well cared for and trained. And, my favorite part: she is extremely neat and organized! I had to come all the way to China to get a child that cares about such things as much as me! (Logan cares, but not quite as much as Jingshu and me.)

Speaking of Jingshu, when we have mispronounced her name (we had heard two pronunciations) she is quick to correct us.

Darrell already mentioned the food street. Let's just say, we needed a guide to order dinner! Our guide didn't stay with us for dinner, but suggested we try the food street (smallish stand-alone food court next door to the hotel). It is a row of small Chinese food vendors. This is NOT your Chinese buffet or even any Chinese restaurant I've ever been in! There is a picture of every item, which may or may not be a good thing. And STILL we couldn't figure out how to order for ourselves! We saw a family that we recognized from the 9th floor, and their guide was with them, so Darrell asked if we could borrow her. She asked Jingshu what she would like to eat and was told a chicken leg, rice, vegetables, and egg. The picture of chicken that the guide pointed to was a whole boiled or baked chicken including the HEAD! We were SO thankful that what showed up was just a chicken leg. We also had good rice, sweet and sour pork (that had bones in it), spicy beef and vegetables, bok choy, and steamed buns. Most of it was delicious. Jingshu started with her chicken leg, then rice in a small bowl, to which she added some of her hot tea and some beef, pork, and eventually even the steamed bun! And she ate every bite!

After dinner we went swimming, which you won't see any pictures of because, to make swimming pictures even worse, every person is required to wear a swim cap. Take just a moment to enjoy a laugh as you imagine us in those!

Bedtime went very smoothly. After her bath, she let me wrap her up in a towel and hold her for just a minute. She actually has been more affectionate with Darrell than with me. And even that is not much. She loves to play with us, entertain us, laugh with us (sometimes at us when we try to repeat what she is saying), but has not yet turned to us for comfort. She is very independent, which we knew to expect. Right now, we stay close, show affection by gentle touches to her back or arm or by stroking her hair. She doesn't pull away, but does not in any way respond. It's okay. A time is coming when she will be much more dependent and need us. We look forward to many opportunities to nurture her!

Glen asked her yesterday if she wanted to sleep on the small sofa pushed close to the bed or in the bed with us. She told him she wanted the sofa. After bath time, her favorite show happened to be on TV (which the report we received yesterday told us was a part of her bedtime routine). She arranged her "babies" (the stuffed dolls that she came with that are characters on this show) all around her and settled in on one side of the huge bed. When that show was over, we turned off the TV and dimmed the lights. That is when we saw the silent tears slide down her cheeks. Our hearts were breaking for her, understanding that she misses everything familiar, not the least her ma ma and ba ba. I slept in the middle of the bed and just stroked her hair and shoulder. She fell asleep with her back to me and slept all night long. In fact, we had to work pretty hard to wake her up this morning for our adoption proceedings.

When she did wake up, she was happy. SHE WAS HAPPY!!! It is so obvious that our prayers have been answered. She has been very well prepared for our coming. She LOVES her foster family and is grieving them. That is a very good thing, because, even though it makes this transition painful for her, she knows love. And if she has known it before, she can know it again, though it will take some time for her to be willing to trust and invest her heart again.

Today was a very good, very long, day. Official meetings this morning made her officially our child. The orphanage director gave us not only the cameras that we sent in the care package, but also many pictures from Jingshu's years under the care of the Liuzhou City orphanage (including foster care). We have PICTURES! Yeah!

Then a trip to Wal-Mart, which was a good thing because it's been 7 long days since the Adcocks have been to Wal-Mart--setting a record, I'm sure! As with everything, Wal-Mart in China is quite different than in Arkansas. First of all, it is several stories high and has many things our local store does not have. Like live seafood. (I'm not talking about lobster here, people.) And many, many different flavors of packaged chicken feet. We didn't go looking for these things. They're just there, right in the aisles! As if people really WANT them!

We had pizza from Pizza Hut for lunch. Even the newest little Adcock liked it, even though it was new to her. WHEW! Afterward, we crashed (all of us) for a nice, long nap.

Jingshu has dressed and undressed her baby at least 100 times today and we've colored and colored and colored. Oh, and we've (she's) taken a gazillion pictures. Either her aim is getting better, or we're doing better of ducking into the picture!

Just now, she got up and turned the TV off and got her "babies" settled and crawled into bed, right in the middle, next to her new Ba Ba, who is already sound asleep. I stopped typing to lay down next to her until she was asleep.

I am SO in love with this little girl! She is BEAUTIFUL! And I can say that, right, 'cause she doesn't have my DNA and I didn't even pick her out myself. But let me say this: She couldn't be more perfectly suited for us if she did or we did. I CAN'T WAIT to hug her and kiss her. But, I will wait. We've waited this long to meet her, so I know we can wait a bit longer for her to welcome our affection.

Tomorrow we will do some sightseeing here in Nanning, the capital of Jingshu's province. And on Thursday we hope to travel 2 1/2 hours to see her city. I wonder how she will feel, going back so close to what is familiar? We have changed our minds many times about whether or not to go. I think it could be hard on her now, but I also think she will value the photographs and the knowledge that we were there.

More later...

Tracy Adcock

Follow our Journey to bring Hayden Home
http://theAdcockFamily.blogspot.com